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The guilt of being the initiating party…

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feeling super guilty for being the one pursuing divorce https://onlinedivorcer.com/online-divorce-alaska.

the relationship is unhealthy, toxic, and exhausting. We’re both at fault but I would venture to say my STBX has a slightly heavier responsibility in the degradation of our connection. He’s always been controlling, and after 8 years together, I’d had enough & felt like my only option to preserve my sanity was to leave the marriage. I begged for counseling for a long time (years) and he always declined, citing “it’s nobody else’s business”. So, not for lack of effort on my end.

I finally accepted that the relationship was unhealthy and no longer served either of us (nor did it set a good example of a healthy relationship for our 2 year old child). I filed 7 months ago. We will live together until our house sells as neither of us can really afford rent on top of a mortgage in the meantime.

He’s changed his tune since I filed and is begging to reconcile. The problem is, I’ve already mourned the relationship and am ready to move on. I just can’t even look at him the same way (I’ve tried). And for this, I feel incredibly guilty.

 

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